Finding Spirit
by Skylar19
Summary: This is a  primarily  Nina/Lily fiction set after the occurance on opening night. Rated M for adult themes and language. Supernatural/Romance/Angst
1. Prologue

**FINDING SPIRIT**

This is set after Nina's death, so surprisingly (but not really) it's a Nina/Lily fic. Think Ghost meets Black Swan. Kind of.

_Disclaimer: None of the characters from Black Swan belong to me._

_Rated M for language and sexual themes that will be coming along later in the story._

_Fyi: This is my first proper fan-fic, so please bear with me. Constructive criticism is appreciated. I hope you like it. If you don't, that's cool too. _

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Prologue: Awakening

This is a story about death. Mine, to be exact.

My name is Nina Sayers and half a year shy of 24, I plunged a fatal shard of glass into my abdomen.

To be honest, my death wasn't planned. Not by anyone. Not even by myself.

I don't mean to be morbid, or depressing, or even self-pitying. That's the last thing I want. But they say that opening up every once in a while helps keep you sane and stops you from breaking. Stops yourself from building up a giant Jenga tower of darkness that soon becomes as fragile as a feather in a sandstorm. Stops your demons from getting their deadly vice-like grip on your soul and never letting go.

I wish I figured that out sooner.

I look back, and the Nina I was when I was alive... it's like we're two completely different people. Ironically enough, death has opened my eyes up to what living is all about. And boy was I doing it all wrong.

The afterlife isn't as riveting as you might imagine. Especially when you're stuck where I am.

I'm not in Hell if that's what you're thinking. I'm not in Heaven either. Though the two do exist, I'm told. I guess its Purgatory. Minus the indefinite amount of pain, torment, and everything else that is expected in purgatory...

I don't understand why I'm in this numbingly quietly place of limbo and not somewhere else. I don't understand why I'm anywhere if I'm supposed to be dead. I'd never put much thought into life after death, but I always assumed it just went black; that your body was no longer living and your soul was free to be present in the universe as the salty fresh smell of the ocean, the beautiful lone daisy in a field of green, or a bright fleck of stardust dancing among the infinite blackness. But, apparently not.

I would've thought it'd be at least a _little_ different though. But it's exactly the same as being alive. Except no one can see me, I can't really feel anything, and there isn't anyone else like me around. The most that I've gathered so far about my situation is that a decision is being made somewhere more important than here, and I just have to wait. You can imagine my confusion when I awoke on the mattress, still on the stage. It didn't occur to me at first that the burning wet mess of blood on my dress was no longer burning, wet, or much of a mess. Just a dried up patch of colour, giving the jagged rip in my dress a gothically inspired tint of rose red.

Sitting up slowly, I look around at my surroundings and realise where I am. And in that one second of realisation, anxiety hits my stomach like a ton of bricks. The show. A million and one questions rush into my head at the very thought.

_Did I finish it? Did the audience see the tear in my dress? Did I dance well enough? Did I disappoint Thomas? Did Lily dance better? Did the audience like me? Did I do it right?_

My lip trembles in worry and I bite on it hard, but I feel nothing. The auditorium is empty, and the stage is still set. Has the show even happened yet? Or is this all another wicked conjuring of my imagination? No... the show must be over; the cut in my flesh gives truth to that. I think... I run my finger delicately over the break in my skin and suddenly feel as though I've been hit by a lightning storm of memories;

My mother locking me in. Hurting her to get out. Lily's face when I showed up. My fall on stage. My fight with Lily. Dragging her body away. Becoming the Black Swan. Realising that the fight never happened... Realising that I was going to die... Realising that I had achieved perfection.

_But then, why I am here? And where is everyone else…? They wouldn't leave me, surely. Maybe they went to get help. But it's so quiet, and I feel fine now, it can't have been very deep- and the audience, where-… _

Like I've done a dozen fouéttes, I stumble with dizziness and just have enough time to hope that I land on the mattress. But instead of falling, I am caught and held tight by a pair of arms stronger than I've ever felt. I let out a disheveled scream and push off the arms that hold me up. I fall onto my knees and try to crawl across the stage, but before I convince myself I've moved far enough away, my hands meet with a pair of shiny black shoes. I look up at the owner and shriek again, whipping my head back around my shoulder to see that the person behind me has disappeared. Before I can cry out for help, the man kneels down and puts a heavy hand over mine, cutting off my noise with a low, calm voice.

"Stop, Nina. I'm not going to hurt you."

I am petrified silent.

I hold my breath with fear and swear that I can feel tears beginning to run down my face. I don't know that that is an impossibility, yet.

"Don't be scared. I'm here to help." he says again, his voice steady, reassuring and with a twang of a European accent. English, I think.

I let out a quiet sob that I can no longer keep in and attempt to speak.

"W-who are you? Where am I? W-what's going on?" I manage to squeak out. I wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't hear me.

Instead of asking me to repeat myself, he just looks at me with the most sympathetic look in his eyes. Or, wait; is it empathy? Through my invisible tears, I can't tell.

Before he answers, I scan my eyes over his face and his body. He looks like a God. Around the same age as Thomas, maybe a little younger, but doesn't carry the same air of arrogance and accomplishment that Thomas did. His skin is tanned and beautiful. Glowing, almost. And his deep blue eyes contrast perfectly with the neat golden blonde arrangement of hair on his head. He looks dressed for an occasion, wearing a smart black 3-piece suit, bow tie and all. The man had enough class on him to match his shoes.

"My name is Sebastian," he said, answering the first of my questions.

"We are on the stage of your show. It's been only two hours since you last danced here." Sebastian continued, answering the second and tapping the floor lightly with his free hand.

I listen to his words intently, trying to make sense of them. I break the hold his eyes have on mine and look down at the cut in my dress again. It all begins to add up in my mind, but I'm avoiding the only conclusion there is. Noticing my denial, Sebastian lifts my face up to look at him, his eyes demanding mine to meet them.

"Listen to me, Nina." he says again, his voice unfaltering, "You died."

And then it all went black.

Again.

The next time I woke up, I was no longer on Leroy's renowned stage, but a pastel coloured bedroom that was beautifully coordinated to match the furniture. Just as confused, and still very scared, I cried dry tears and begged myself to wake up, convinced that I had driven myself to insanity. I was sure that in reality, this very second, I was a delusional patient in a mental asylum, or asleep in a comatosed state lying in a hospital bed, or just back at home, having another vivid nightmare/day-mare.

Anything but dead.

But as I would find out in the next few moments, I really was dead. That my last moments had been on the stage, and that I left the world with Thomas, Lily, and the entire company watching, in fact.

Funnily enough, that day I learnt to accept that I had died marks down as the first day of being the closest to normal I'd ever been.

So, yes. This is a story about my death, and how I learnt to live the 'sort-of' life I got after my death.

But this is also a story about how I was saved. Saved by a girl, with the wings of an Angel painted on her back.

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_So yeah. This is the Prologue. Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think. I'll try and write up the first chapter asap. _

_Cheers for reading._

_Sky._


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Missed

The smoke whispered its way through the air as it was breathed slowly out of the ballerina's lungs. Lily took another deep breath in, and the room was so quiet that the sound of the cigarette burning that little bit shorter seemed to resonate throughout the entire apartment.

It was a week after the opening show, and she was back in San Francisco, sitting at the mantel of her window and staring down at the coloured lights that were whizzing silently by along the snake-like lines of the West Coast streets. She had enjoyed New York, but this was her home. The Golden Gate Bridge looked grand to say the least, the dotted lights of far-away cars acting as decoration as they crossed over her, traveling from one side to the other. Lost in the beauty of the city below, Lily thought herself stupid for leaving in the first place.

She took a final puff from her cigarette, before stubbing it down onto the ashtray beside her. As mesmerizing and appealing this town was to her, it had been her plan to stay in New York when she got there.

She left to become serious about ballet and to start putting her talent to real use. The sudden urge to do something with her life was unexpected and her decision to leave was impulsive, but one that she thought she'd never regret.

But now, every thought about New York was all too sickening and painful. This was the kind of feeling that she promised herself she never wanted to feel and was the reason she was the way she was. She didn't even let Thomas or anyone at the company know that she was leaving.

Lily would be the first to admit that Nina and herself didn't get off to the best start. Growing up in San Francisc' makes you something of a free spirit, one that most people would look upon with lustrous envy. But it also puts you in a bubble of naivety, making you unaware of the dark truths that lurk in the world. New York taught Lily that things were never just as simple as black and white.

It was never her intention to be threatening to Nina. Her loud and boisterous ways were just a part of her that people often learned to love. She assumed that eventually, Nina would do just that. She had thought of them as friends, or at least 'almost-friends'.

Lily had seen something in Nina that she found easy to connect with. She could relate to her passion and determination to ballet, and had thought so many times about calling up for coffee, to try and show Nina that she could have a friend in her, but she had never been persistent. She always assumed that they had all the time in the world to become friends.

Lily thought back to opening night and frowned, a little shiver going down her spine, causing the light hairs on her arms to stand on edge.

When Nina danced onto the stage for the final act, Lily's previous resentment of her sudden arrival on the day had vanished. Sure, she had become excited when Thomas told her she would have to dance the lead instead, but watching Nina now… she knew that it would've been a heinous act of injustice. Not just to Nina, but also to Thomas, and to everything that is ballet. She wasn't bashing her dancing skills at all. It was just truth.

This role _belonged_ to Nina, and only her.

She had busted her ass over it and earned every bit of fame and fortune that would come from it.

The ballerina's efforts were being made clear to everyone now, as she moved flawlessly and seductively over the stage, almost as if she'd been doing it since birth. Watching her now, to Lily, this dance was written for no one else but Nina Sayers.

Lily looked at Thomas and gave him a proud smile. She couldn't take _all_ the credit, but it looked like the constant nagging at Nina to relax had definitely paid off. She was beyond excited to go out and celebrate this after the show.

But as the performance came to a finish, within a matter of seconds, everything went from perfection to royally fucked.

After the curtain dropped over the stage and Nina had performed her finale fall, the ballerinas and ballerinos crowded around her, beginning a chorus of applause and praise, congratulating her and talking to one another excitedly about how well it had all gone and how outstanding Nina had been.

Lily zoned out of the chatter and looked to Nina, expecting more of a response from the prima ballerina. She felt a weight plummet deep into her stomach as her eyes were drawn to the red on Nina's dress and before she could think to do otherwise she let out a scream, only just managing to clamp her hands over her mouth.

The next few minutes seem to last a lifetime.

Suddenly everyone's attention was on the growing amount of blood seeping out of Nina's stomach. Several girls had run away in tears at the sight, and a few, Lily included, just stood there, motionless.

Thomas was leaning over Nina now, talking frantically to her while ordering the rest of the remaining company to give them space and get help. They all did as they were told, except for Lily.

Lily didn't move a muscle.

Finally bringing herself out of her initial shock, she rapidly moved to the other side of Nina and knelt down next to her.

"What the fuck have you done?" she said, taking Nina's attention away from Thomas, as she started to rip up pieces of her own dress to press down on Nina's wound, in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Why would you do this to yourself, Nina? Why!" she repeated desperately.

Lily's eyes were filling up with tears now, her vision becoming blurred, making it all the more difficult to look Nina in the eye. The wounded ballerina stared at Lily, the one thought going through her mind was how this was the only time she had ever seen the west-side dancer look scared.

"Lily-" Thomas began to interrupt, but Lily cut him off quickly.

"No, you shut the fuck up and go get the fuckin' medics." She spat out at Thomas, only looking at him for an instant before looking back down at her almost-friend, anxiously holding down the ripped pieces of fabric over the heavy bleeding cut.

Thomas, out of character, obliged silently with Lily's demand and immediately got to his feet, speeding off back stage to see why it was taking so long for a medical team to arrive.

Nina's eyes started to become heavy, and Lily could see her begin to struggle to keep them open.

"Don't you fucking dare, Sayers," She threatened, "Keep your eyes open. You aren't gonna die."

Nina looked over Lily's face and tried to speak, but her words weren't loud enough to reach her ears. She lifted up her arms as far as she could to try and reach Lily's face.

"What is it?" Lily asked, taking Nina's hand and leaning her head down closer to her.

"I wanted to be like you." Nina managed to mumble out, before coughing as her throat became tighter and the pain in her abdomen spread throughout her entire body.

"…Perfect." she added in a faint whisper.

Lily's jaw dropped slightly and she looked down at Nina in disbelief.

Was she fucking around? 'Wanted to be like her?' Like _her_?

Nina was the best ballerina in the company, and she had been from the very beginning. She was faultless in her movements, in her practice, in everything. How could she not see that?

Lily squeezed Nina's hand tighter, leaning her head down onto Nina's arm. She hated people seeing her cry.

"You're so stupid, Nina." she mumbled through her tears against Nina's cold hands.

"You were perfect as you." Lily whispered against her, before lifting her head up. "You were perfect as you." She repeated, staring down at Nina, her tears unashamedly running down her face now.

Nina's own eyes watered up and her bottom lip began to tremble, as the pain was now replaced with a coldness she was unfamiliar with.

Without thinking, Lily brought her lips down onto Nina's and held her body close. Nina shut her eyes and felt the light reaction of Lily's warm lips onto her cold ones and savoured the feeling- the little that she could feel felt out of this world. She squeezed Lily's hand tight as the cold took over her and her mind couldn't stay awake any longer. She felt Lily pull away and her frantic demands at her to open her eyes were no longer audible, just muffled sounds becoming more and more distant. Nina couldn't hear, or see, or feel anything anymore.

A minute too late, Thomas and the medical team had arrived, and Lily was pulled unwillingly away from Nina. Thomas held her back as the paramedics hoisted her up onto a stretcher and placed an oxygen mask over Nina's face. The team were shouting medical jargon out to one another as they ran her out of the building and into an ambulance. All that was left for Lily to do was stand back and watch, feeling as though this was somehow her fault.

It took everything she was not to start crying all over again.

Lily stood up from the windowsill and walked to her bedroom, flicking the lights off as she went. Stripping down to her t-shirt in the darkness, she climbed into bed and clamped her eyes shut, not knowing or caring about what tomorrow would bring.

For Lily, every quiet moment brought her back to that evening and she hated it. It was a demon that was constantly lingering over her. Blaming her for Nina's delusions and mocking her for missing someone so much.

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_Thanks for the comments, I hope I don't disappoint. _


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Square One

Two days into Nina's afterlife and she had already felt like she'd been dead for a lifetime.

"Everything will seem longer here. Everything will seem quieter, and at first, you will feel more alone than you've ever felt in your life. But don't worry, you aren't." Sebastian reassured her.

The two of them were walking through the streets of New York; along the same route Nina had taken every day for over 6 years. People were walking around, going about their everyday business, completely unaware of her or Sebastian's presence. Nina looked around, quietly taking in the lights, sounds and smells of a city she'd never given the time to truly discover.

Sebastian had effectively become her mentor and something of an older brother to Nina. Trusting him came almost naturally to Nina. Even now, she held onto his arm as they walked, scared that he'd disappear and leave her in this strange parallel of her world.

Previously, she had always shunned away those who were not Thomas or her mother, and it was only now that she was beginning to realise that her vulnerability was something that they thrived on, in no way helping her to better herself as an individual.

Her mother was sickeningly obsessed with Nina or, her 'sweet girl', as she called her. Her whole life, Nina had been babied and patronised by her mom simply because she was loved too much. Erica Sayers wasn't a bad person, or a person with real selfish intent. In fact, her and Nina were very similar in terms of their infatuation with dance and perfection.

Who's to say that if Nina survived opening night and lived on to one day have a child that she wouldn't be exactly the same as her own mother?

Thomas's intent with Nina is arguable. At the very beginning of the season, even he knew that he was taking advantage of Nina's fragile demeanour. He wanted her to succeed as a dancer, of course. But when it comes down to fact; Thomas was a master at his trade and he had a reputation to maintain. Everything he did for her was to make sure this production was the best he'd ever made. Beth was a good enough example that his number one priority was dance, and the dancer second.

Though it's not as if any of that matters anymore. What with being dead and all.

The thought of never being able to see or speak to her mom, Thomas or even Lily made her blood run dry. She pushed the thought away and held onto Sebastian's arms tighter, paying more attention to what her suited companion was saying.

She just had to stop reminiscing and deal with it. Nina was dead and the only person she'd be spending any time with, was someone who she knew nothing about, except for his name.

"You have to understand Nina, even though technically speaking we are still walking around like we were when you were alive, that life and this are at complete opposites, and in essence, at separate parallels of the universe. By dying, a third eye has been opened for you." Sebastian continued before stopping as they approached a small group of people waiting to cross the road.

Nina looked amongst the crowd waiting for traffic to stop, then looked at Sebastian a little puzzled.

"Why are we waiting for the lights to change if we're already dead?" she said in a whisper.

Sebastian smirked and looked at Nina before shrugging his shoulders, letting go of her arm and walking into the road. As he got to the middle of the street, Nina watched in horror as a van drove straight into him without hesitation. She let out a shriek as he disappeared into thin air.

"It's alright." His voice jumped out at her from beside her, causing her to shriek out again. "And there's really no need to whisper. They can't hear you."

"What was _that_? And how did you do it?" she asked, clinging onto his arm again, no longer whispering and almost shouting at him.

Sebastian smiled and walked her with the group as the lights changed.

"It's true, I could've just carried on walking after the car had gone through. But that's only because I've been dead a lot longer than you. Tell me, what would've been your reaction to a car speeding towards you?"

Nina thought about this and saw his point. "To run, or scream.."

"..Or freeze." Sebastian added. "It's not like the movies, where we walk through walls and start flying around like it's no big deal. Like things you had to learn when you were alive, it takes time."

"We can fly?" Nina asked, a slight tone of intrigue in her voice.

Sebastian smiled to himself and shook his head.

Walking towards them as they crossed onto the sidewalk was a man pushing a stroller, the baby in the stroller looking around at his surroundings in wonder just like Nina had been a moment ago. As they passed each other, the baby eyes met with Sebastian and Nina and let out an excited gurgle as Sebastian gave a small wave and pulled a funny face.

Nina turned to watch as the child passed them, her mouth open in shock to see that the baby was doing the same, smiling back at her even.

"How-?" She began to question, looking at Sebastian for more answers.

"Babies are probably more similar to you right now than anything or anyone else." Sebastian replied, turning them onto a street away from the bigger crowds of people.

"Like you, they are new to the world they are in, and haven't fully adapted from their previous life to their new one. So in a way, they still have a 'third eye', since mentally speaking, everything is a new sight to them and their mind is still in the process of moulding their reality. By the time they're two or so, they lose their ability to see us, usually. Let's sit," Sebastian said, sitting down on a bench by the opening of Central Park.

Nina sat down next to him and turned to face him.

"Is it possible to communicate with them?" she asked, intrigued by the possibility of actually being the real life Casper.

"Well, what I did back there was communication." He replied simply.

"What about older people, can they see us? Are we ghosts?" Nina asked, more specifically.

"That depends entirely on the situation. First of all, _we_ aren't 'ghosts'. I despise the term. It's so loosely used and has such demeaning connotations. And people who claim to have seen 'ghosts' are right, sometimes. But sometimes they also just have an over-active imagination. You have to understand, by no means at all do we want to be seen by anyone living."

"Why not?"

"Could you imagine what could happen to that person's mentality? They could be traumatised, and not to mention, confused to the extent of questioning everything they know to be real or not. People like us who choose to show themselves to the living often have hidden agendas, and aren't the kind of people you or I should even want to be around. They can be called 'ghosts'. But not us, if you need a name for us, we're spirits."

Nina thought about this and was slightly disheartened. She tried to imagine how she'd react if she saw a ghost, or spirit, even. It definitely wouldn't have helped her already declining mental state.

"Where are the others like us?" she asked again, curious as to why he was the only one she had met so far.

For the first time since she'd met Sebastian, he frowned slightly and looked as though he didn't have an answer.

"Well, the manner in which you died… you see, it's debatable as to whether or not what you did was your fault or not. Your mental stability was nil, but your action was still there. In a way it's a case of bigger figures in our world deciding where you belong, and what would be best for you in this life. I know it must be puzzling. But try not to think about it too much, all of this is new and you don't want to overwhelm yourself to much." He paused, and looked at her, deciphering the degree of understanding that was being conveyed, if any at all.

"The usual custom is that upon dying you are immediately free of any thought or worry and can join the others like yourself to do what you like, so to speak. But if someone has unfinished business, or a unique case such as yours, it takes a little more time than usual."

Nina didn't fully understand all of what he had just said, but she didn't want to try and make sense of it all now. She was still coming to terms with being able to walk around unseen by everyone else.

Sebastian noticed her look and gave a small smile, "Enough for today?"

Nina simply nodded and held onto his arm tighter.

"Okay." He said quietly, before placing his hand over hers.

In an instant, they were back in the 'show room' worthy bedroom, as if they had never left.

Nina blinked and let go of his arm. Not sure if all of that had really happened, or if she had been dreaming.

"How did you do that?"

Sebastian stood up and brushed down his suit jacket.

"Practice." He said with a smirk. "This is your 'safe house' by the way. Feel free to make yourself at home." He continued, opening the wooden shutters and letting the sun in.

Nina could hear the light sound of waves and the distant call of seagulls.

"I have to go now." Sebastian spoke again, pulling out a book from his jacket pocket and handing it to her.

"The next time you see me is when we'll know what to do with you. Use this as a diary of sorts. It may come in handy. I've written out a list of stuff you might find helpful on the first page."

Nina took the book and looked over it, opening it up and scanning her eyes over the first page, covered in beautiful handwriting.

"Thank you." She said quietly with a small smile.

Sebastian nodded and checked his watch. "I'd 'moment-move' out of here, but I don't think you're quite used to that yet." He said, smiling before making his way out the door. "Remember, if you need me, I'll know and I'll be there." He said, finally leaving the room.

And then just like that; silence.

With the book in hand, Nina rushed to her feet and ran to the hallway outside her door. Sebastian had already gone. It was a surreal experience and at the same time, a completely exciting thing to witness. As she stood in the hall, the empty silence took over and she felt a pang of loneliness hit. She looked down at her feet. She was still in her ballet shoes.

Nina couldn't help but wonder what Lily was doing.

_What had happened to her after the show? Where was she now? Was she still at the company? What did that kiss mean?_

Nina walked back into her bedroom and sat down on the bed, reading over the first page of the book again. She read through the set of rules Sebastian had written, the first one sticking out to her like a sore thumb.

_'The first and probably most important rule of this world, Nina, is to not tempt yourself with the idea of communication with your past loved ones. _

_To them, you are in a better place. Attempting to speak with them will not only prove difficult and frustrating for you, but also painful for them. _

_Do not do this.__'_

* * *

Apologies for the delay on this. I'm just approaching deadline week at college, so I've had a bunch of work to do.

This was originally a lot longer, but I decided to cut it down a little so I didn't have you waiting much longer. I will try my best to stick to at least an update a week. I know this story is different from what you're used to on here, and what you might prefer, so cheers for taking the time to read it.

I hope I don't disappoint.

And this **is** a Nina/Lily fic, so there will be lots of that coming shortly, but because it is a bit more of a complicated storyline, I feel as though in order to not fuck it up, I need spend a fair amount of time explaining what's going on as well as give Nina the time to adjust to being, yano, dead and all..

Thanks again for reading!

Peace.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Movement

As dawn began to hit the horizon, Nina was already showered and ready to take on whatever surprises today was going to throw at her. For once in her life she wasn't up early to put on her pointe shoes and get some extra practice in before heading out to work. Instead, she was sitting at the kitchen counter with a small plate of fruit reading through the handbook Sebastian had given her.

Her hair was down, falling softly onto her shoulders, a few loose strands pulled back behind her ear as she tried to concentrate on Sebastian's instruction and advice. It almost felt like she was studying, and she had to admit, she quite enjoyed it.

Learning something new, becoming something new.

After coming out of the shower Nina had chosen a pair of nice fitting jeans and a plain t-shirt. She couldn't believe how comfortable she felt in normal clothes. Nothing was too tight, uncomfortable, or painful. And she was pulling off the casual look exceedingly well too.

Nina scanned through the book looking in particular for that 'moment-moving' that Sebastian had mentioned yesterday. Her finger stopped at the word as she found it. A small, excited smile made it's way onto her face.

_Moment-moving: this isn't quite like flying, but it's close enough. Practice this while you can. Moment-moving means quite literally, for you to move within and/or between moments, so in real-time terms, you are technically 'teleporting'. But this is a slang phrase that annoys me deeply. Moment-moving is much more professional and precise to the action._

_Moment-moving can be achieved by powerful thought and deep concentration. Practice this now. Close your eyes and envision another room in this house and convince yourself that you not only want to be in that room, but that you are meant to be in that room. It might seem a bit much at first, but once you get the hang of it, it will come to you much easier._

Nina bit her lip and read over his instructions again before closing the book shut.

_Right._ She thought to herself as she closed her eyes, determined to get it right the first time. It didn't sound too complicated and he had made it look _so _easy! She could do this!

_Bedroom, bedroom, bedroom. _She thought repeatedly to herself, trying to convince her mind that she needed to be in there this instant, as if her life depended on it.

After a couple of seconds, Nina felt a light gust of wind around her and she opened her eyes excitedly.

She sighed and rolled her eyes as she found herself in the hallway, only a few metres from her seat in the kitchen.

You'd think it'd be easier being in a bungalow, but no.

Nina lost track of time and the day had nearly come to an end before she managed to moment-move into another room. She hadn't stopped practicing all day. She had found after eating fruit in the morning that she could barely taste any of it, and she didn't get full or particularly hungry. At first she thought it was due to the fact that she hadn't eaten in a while, but then she remembered; she didn't need food anymore.

* * *

Nina had been in her new house for just over a week now, and she was getting bored.

She had explored the beach outside and found that it was never ending. There wasn't anyone else around for what seemed like miles, and she hadn't heard from Sebastian since he'd given her the handbook.

No longer scared or timid, the week had transformed her into someone who was stronger and more accepting of what had happened to her. And now she was tired of waiting around.

She had perfected moment-moving by day 4 and the novelty had worn off by day 5. Around day 6, she started getting her head around controlling objects. And it had only taken her a day before she had perfected it, though she couldn't levitate large objects as easily as smaller ones. But she expected that it would come with practice.

She had also noticed that she had begun to lose little human senses, like tastes and feeling. Showers were probably unnecessary too, but she still took them out of habit.

Standing bare-foot at the edge of the sand, Nina stared out at the sea watching the sunset and wondering which sea this was.

Atlantic, Pacific, Mediterranean? Or one completely unknown to man?

What was taking Sebastian so long?

Was she going to be here forever?

Nina sighed and looked down at her feet, squeezing the sand between her toes. She could barely feel it. Frustrated, she stormed off, choosing to walk back to the bungalow, since walking seemed to be the only human motion she had left. She slammed the door behind her and fell onto the couch in the living room. She grabbed a cushion and held it to her face, screaming into it as loudly as she could. She wanted to cry to get that relief of letting your anger out, but she couldn't even do that anymore.

Why was it that even after she'd died she couldn't get away with practicing for perfection? And even then she was still unsatisfied with her efforts.

It was as if she was at home right now, as if nothing had changed.

Her imagination began to run away with her and she felt like she was back in the apartment she shared with her mom, in her bedroom with those stupid painted butterflies on the wall and a sickeningly pink theme all around her.

Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head up from the cushion and told herself to relax and let it go.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, jumping off the bed in shock and looking around her old bedroom.

Nina had moment-moved without even meaning to. She clung onto the pillow she had brought with her and looked around her old room in shock. Everything was exactly the same.

The bed was made perfectly, her dressing table had her plain studded earrings placed neatly in front of the mirror along with an assortment of headbands, all either pink, white or gray. Her music box stood on her bedside table, the figure of the ballerina glued back together. Nina felt a shiver down her spine, as the room conjured up old memories and feelings she'd leading up to the show.

Nina froze when she heard the handle of her bedroom door turn, and watched as her mother walked in. She stood there in dead silence as Erica Sayers walked into her room with a basket of laundry, folding Nina's old clothes and putting them neatly in their place. Nina didn't want to move. She didn't want to blink, or breath or exist in this moment.

Erica hadn't looked in her direction once, and even though that was a solid indicator that Nina was invisible to her, Nina still felt like she had just been caught doing something she shouldn't have.

She watched as her mother silently put clothes away. She looked solemn, a bit lost, and completely full of sadness. Erica finished putting the clothes away and put her hands on her hips and looked at the room. For a second she looked directly at Nina, and Nina was certain she could see her. But then she looked away again and held her hand to her mouth. She looked as though she would cry.

The older woman composed herself and sighed and then as if a habitual doing, she walked over to the music box and wound it up before walking out of the room again, letting the box play out its soft music that echoed eerily down the hall.

Feeling her eyes water up Nina shut them quickly and begged herself to get her out of here, and in an instant she disappeared from the room, the cream coloured cushion falling to the ground without a sound.

Nina opened her eyes again and saw that she was sitting in the stands of the dance hall at her old company, watching an evening rehearsal taking place. She crossed her arms in front of her and watched the scene playing intently. Her music was playing, and an arrangement of ballerinas pranced around in synchronisation as her the Swan Queen moved more artistically in the middle of the room. Thomas was standing to the size of the dancers, clicking his fingers on the beat and calling out directions, making sure everything was perfect, as per usual. Nina squinted her eyes slightly to get a clearer picture of her replacements face. Her initial assumption would be that Lily was her replacement, what with being her alternate and all, but this person wasn't moving like Lily moved. Although her moves were exact, they were vicious, and direct and seductive but also quite menacing in a way. It was Veronica.

Feeling a little more out of sight, Nina relaxed a little and sat back, looking out for Lily among the other dancers. Her lips curved into a small frown - now that she had managed to get here, she was hoping to get a glimpse of Lily. She couldn't help but be curious about her, what she was doing now, how she was doing, etcetera, etcetera. At the thought, Sebastian's words from the book crept into her head: _"The first and probably most important rule of this world, Nina, is to not tempt yourself with the idea of communication with your past loved ones."_

If he hadn't implied that she could do that sort of thing in the first place, she wouldn't be so tempted. What did he expect? And if he could see her now, which she was sure he could if he was choosing to, surely he'd step in and give her another pep talk on the morality and jagged ethics behind wanting to make contact. Nina stopped herself from worrying and convinced herself that at the moment she was just finding ways to pass the time, and just checking in on how her old life was doing.

From the looks of it, her mother was coping, only just, but in her own way. And from what she could see now, Thomas, the show and company had moved on fine. All that was left in her curiosity was Lily. Standing up quietly from her seat she walked out of the stalls and towards the doorway.

Taking a look back at the group she saw Thomas glance up to the seat where she had been sitting with a strange look on his face. He quickly brushed it off though, looking back at Veronica and shouting something to her over the music.

Just outside the door, Nina shut her eyes again and thought about all things she associated with Lily, hoping it would move her to her. But all she could think about were places like clubs and bars and by the fifth time she had moment-moved to a bar and found it to be 'Lily-less', she decided that she wasn't doing it quite right. Who knows how many bars and clubs there were in town, and there was definitely no good in going to go to every single one to hope that she bumped into her.

Nina sat down on the sidewalk outside the bar and closed her eyes again.

_Where could you be?_

She thought hard and long about Lily and tried to remember everything she had said about where she went or even lived. Doing this made Nina realize that Lily never really talked about herself or anything at home. Just that her real home was the west coast.

Could she have gone back home so quickly after the opening of the show?

_"Man, this place has got nothing on the Ojay club back in San Fran'. You east-siders ought to take notes."_ She remembered Lily saying one time.

Nina smiled, remembering that night Lily had taken her out, trying to show her the definition of 'letting your hair down'. Still smiling, she concentrated again and thought about Lily, and San Francisco and hoped and it would bring her at least somewhere closer. She had nothing to lose. And after just a few seconds she had disappeared from the sidewalk, leaving only a small gust of wind in her place.


	5. AN: Quick note!

Quick progress update!

So sorry for delay on this. I haven't abandoned it. I've just come back from spring break (which I spent abroad and was far too busy to stay inside and write) and now I'm in my final three weeks at college before breaking up for the summer. I'll try and get another chapter or two up, but I don't, it's not because I've forgotten or lost interest- I'm just being busy teenager!

Thanks again for reading this and putting it down on your alerts/favourites/etc. Really appreciate it!

Hope I don't keep you waiting too long.

Peace.


	6. Long overdue update

I cannot believe it has been so long.

I'd almost forgotten about this story. I have to give my deepest apologies to those who took the time to read and review the start of this story. I got distracted by life and essentially put this on hold for far too long.

I'll admit, reading this over again now feels so weird. I'm older now, and feel like I barely knew the person who wrote the start of this anymore. Crazy how time goes by.

Anyway, enough with the ranting. What I'd like to know is if there is anyone who would like to read the rest of this fic? I need to get my creative juices flowing again, and whether or not it's posted on this site or not, I have decided that this story will be finished.

If any of you lovely people who started reading this would be interested to read on with this story, then I'll work on the next chapter and the rest of the story.

Love and peace! Let me know Your thoughts, good or bad.


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